"What will Your Kids Remember? (written by my friend Lisa)

Recently I had a very discouraging moment as a parent.  One of my kids flippantly said,   “When I have my own kids, I am going to be just like so and so and do all of the fun things they do with their kids. I don’t remember doing anything like that when I was little.” As a mom that makes a point to plan and do fun things with my children, I was shocked and replied, "Really? We did and do LOTS of fun things. Lots!" With this dear child replying "Maybe, but I don't remember." 

Since this conversation, I have been thinking a great deal about what I truly wish my children will remember. Of course, being the devoted mother that I am, I was slightly hurt, knowing that we did every bit as much of the fun things so and so is doing with her much younger kids. I shared this conversation I had with my child with some friends, all of which gave me many suggestions on how to make sure they do remember; photos and scrapbooks, videos, journals, writing down quotes, recording events on calendars, writing yearly memories with each child, and many more. All of these suggestions are excellent and would be wonderful to do, however, it did leave me feeling a bit overwhelmed and jaded with guilt that I haven’t recorded, in some way, every waking and sleeping moment of my five children’s lives. How will they know we did anything? How will they know I loved them? What if they feel shortchanged because I haven’t written their biographies yet? Or that I haven’t dedicated a whole room in the house as “The Children’s Hall of Memories?” I thought, is that it then? Have I failed because they don’t remember homemade play dough or trips to the park or reading millions of books? Nope. I settled on the hope that they will remember an overall experience; how they feel when they think about their childhood and their family relationships.  I can have faith that, in the end, the overall essence that they were loved, valued, and encouraged is what permeates their memory.

They probably won’t remember every toy, device, or other material thing they had                                                                         but they will hopefully remember there were                                                                                     hours of discussion spent as a family on any and                                                                                     every topic imaginable.

They probably won’t remember every craft, game, and activity I did with them or every field trip, vacation, or event we attended,

                                                but they will hopefully remember that we did                                                                                     things together.

They probably won’t remember our older cars, stained carpeting, or limited home decor,

                                                but they will hopefully remember we made                                                                                     investing in their education, building life                                                                                                 experiences, and developing them as people a                                                                                           priority.

They probably won’t remember every lesson, devotional, or fabulous teachable moment,

                                                but they will hopefully remember we cared                                                                                     enough to take the time TO teach them and build                                                                                     into their character.

They probably won’t remember the everyday drudgery of school and work (well, OK, maybe they will on this one),

                                                but they will hopefully remember how to work                                                                                     hard, manage a house hold, handle money, serve                                                                                     others, and use their spare moments wisely :)

They probably won’t remember every crisis or problem we dealt with,

                                                but they will hopefully remember that we gave                                                                                     every effort to work through our problems.

They probably won’t remember all of my specific mistakes and struggles,

                                                but they will hopefully remember that I truly

                                                loved the Lord and sought to obey Him even                                                                                     when it went against the main stream.

They probably won’t remember every word or action that I said or did to make them feel loved,

                                                but they will hopefully remember feeling loved.

They may not remember all of the specific details of their childhoods,

                                                but they will hopefully remember the general                                                                                     feelings of fun, purpose, warmth, and love by                                                                                     

which it was characterized.

I will do my best to record and save “memories” for them, but ultimately the memories are best found in the make-up of who each of them is becoming and in the relationships that we continue to share.  When they are grown up may they take the valuable things that they “didn’t remember,” and in some way pass them along to their own children to “not remember.”